I Find Paul Odd

I've always had conflicted thoughts about Paul.  I've never really been able to put my finger on it until now.  I think these two paragraphs nail the issues for me. 

Before I get into that though let me say that I fully accept that Paul's inclusion is no accident.  It is part of God's plan.  The reason I believe that is because there is so much of Paul in the Bible.    Too much of Paul for it to be an accident.  Therefore I accept that while I have conflicted feelings about Paul I still need to learn from what he has written.

Why am I sharing this?  Well as I've said from the start, this is just a blog of my daily walk.  While I am what I would consider to be strong in my faith, I don't think this would be an honest blog if I didn't also shares some of the things that maybe bug me or that I question.  I don't think God has a problem with honest questions either.  After all, He is the one who gave us the intellect.

1 Corinthians 15:3-11(NKJV)

3For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 

4and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, 

5and that He was seen by Cephas, then by the twelve. 

6After that He was seen by over five hundred brethren at once, of whom the greater part remain to the present, but some have fallen asleep. 

7After that He was seen by James, then by all the apostles. 

8Then last of all He was seen by me also, as by one born out of due time.

9For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. 

10But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. 

11Therefore, whether it was I or they, so we preach and so you believed.

I sense in Paul's writings a bit of a false sense of humility that he uses to mask a pretty big ego or a big inferiority complex and I'm not sure which it is.  It's almost as if he feels he needs to justify himself as a "real" apostle compared to the 12. 

Paul starts by detailing all who saw Jesus after He rose from the dead.  The last one he includes in that list is Himself, Paul.  Now I don't know about you but I don't see Paul's experience with Jesus as being the same as the rest of them that are listed. 

To me the difference is that everybody else saw the actual physical body of Jesus walking and talking in the flesh.  Paul saw a metaphysical presence of Jesus in a vision.  Not the same thing in my mind.  I'm not saying it was any less real for Paul.  I'm just saying that it isn't the same thing in my book.

Now maybe I am not interpreting things correctly.  Without going back and looking, it is my belief that when Jesus rose from the dead He stuck around here on earth for a few weeks before God took Jesus up into Heaven.

In Paul's case, Jesus had already ascended into Heaven month's before and so that is why I believe that Paul's interaction with Jesus was more of a vision than a physical interaction.  Maybe I am wrong on that.

Anyway the other thing here is the whole humility/false humility thing in verses 9 and 10.  Paul starts out by saying how he isn't worthy to be called an apostle.  Insecurity or false humility, not sure which.  Then Paul turns around and says "but I labored more abundantly than they all".  I didn't realize it was a contest and that we were keeping score.  Justification or pride, again not sure. 

And then Paul switches again back into the passive "yet not I but the grace of God which was with me".  Is it false humility or truly giving the glory to God.  I realize it could be a bit of both.

I don't know why but the tone of that whole thing just bugs me.  If this was the only case of it in Paul's writings I'd consider it a one off but I have noticed this pattern elsewhere.

Oh well, just add that to the list of things that I'll get to ask God to explain to me someday.  Have a great day folk!